Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
