Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
