I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
