oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
