Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
