She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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