You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
