remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
