Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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