i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
