You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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