I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
