He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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