If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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