i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
