just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
