I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
