Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
