Umm I'm too high to move.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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