I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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