what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
