Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
All I want is dick and wine.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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