dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
