My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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