i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize