He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
