We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
