I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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