so explain again why im purple
no
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
