the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
