remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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