in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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