Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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