Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
