Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
