There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
