Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
