i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
