it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
