im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
