I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
