maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
