I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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