So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
