can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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