We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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