I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
