that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
