She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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