im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
