How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
