I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I need a beard to bite.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
