I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The struggles of a small town man whore
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize