I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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