I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
