I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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