Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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