He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
