Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
