I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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