Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
