happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
