yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
