Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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