How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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