I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
