haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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