I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
