I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
