you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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