Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Naked. naked and bneed help.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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