11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize