Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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