i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
