he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
