We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
