She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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