He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
