I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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