When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
