I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
