Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
