guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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