yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
