I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
